So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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