I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
