Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
