rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
