I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize