So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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