I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize