fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
