She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
