You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
