I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
