Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
