He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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