Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
