I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
