I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dear god my vagina.
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