Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
are you so shy because you have an std?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
