i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
