Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
