don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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