I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
