I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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