Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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