She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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