are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
