A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Porn is love you can see.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize