Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
