They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
