sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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