There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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