never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
