i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
