i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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