I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm having to shit out rocks
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
