His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
