My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
