bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize