i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
