Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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