My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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