Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Are my feet made of real feet?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
