My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
