you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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