ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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