Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
