ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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