There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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