Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
