does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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