Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
