I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize