if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
