My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
