his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
