I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
