if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
