Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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