Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
