Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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