you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
