They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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