party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
