The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
