I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
