True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
