I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
