Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
