erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
