So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
