1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
