I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
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