my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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