The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's official drugs can't kill me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
