i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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