Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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