..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
